Aww, Bi+ch! I'm Hit! I'm Hit!

Story goes that a group of guys made their way up to the country for a boys' weekend.  After some beers and bonfire building, someone got the great idea to throw a box of unspent ammunition into the flames.  Some of the cartridges cooked off and went flying.  One grazed the head merry-maker in the leg.  He started hopping around yelling, "Aww, bitch!  I'm hit!  I'm hit!" 

I love that story.  I love that phrase.  And now I own it.

There's no doubt that I've been hit.  I've been glutened and I'm not sure where it came from.  Maybe from dinner at PF Changs'?  Maybe from some random crumbs of garlic bread I served my guests?  I don't know for sure, but I know I'm hit.

I woke up the other morning feeling tired and unrested.  Everything on me ached.  I had spent the day before dancing and being animated in a morphsuit, so I initially thought I was sore from that.  As I stirred, I realized my left arm was totally numb and my hand was twisted into an arthritic Lady Gaga claw.  I knew I had been glutened just by how I felt. 

Bloated?  Hit.
Frequent trips to the bathroom?  Hit.
Acne around my mouth?  Hit.
Brain fog?  Hit.
Itchy scalp?  Hit.
Sore throat?  Hit.
Bone numbing fatigue?  Hit.
Night sweats?  Hit
Red, burning eyes?  Hit.
Low grade fever?  Hit.
Chest congestion? Hit.

The final blow that sunk my battleship: a sharp pain in my lower lung every time I try to take a breath. 

I accidentally glutened myself in December.  I was making gravy for a big extended family dinner.  Out of habit I licked the spoon before putting it in the sink.  The same symptoms I have right now started rolling in.  When I got the sharp pain in my lungs, I was sure the congestion had turned to pneumonia.  Chest x-rays said it wasn't and it slowly went away after a week.  I went back to feeling like the new gluten free me.

Then in March it happened again.  I couldn't pin point the gluten source that time but the waves of symptoms slowly hit in the same order as December: numbness, claw hand, bloating... you get the picture.  But that month the pain in my right lung got increasingly worse.  It got so bad that it woke me up one night.  I have to insert a side note here:  I have a really high tolerance for pain.  It's not bravado, just fact.  The pain and the inability to fill my lungs with a full breath had me panicked. 

I went back to the doctor that day and got clear lung x-rays, clear ultrasound of my abdomen, clear CT scan of my gallbladder and surrounding bits.  Again, the pain went away after a week. 

I asked for copies of the results only to find that my past two lung x-rays said I had emphysema?!?  Needless to say, I went to a pulmonologist for a second opinion.  I know now, for sure, that my lungs are fine.  Actually, they're better than fine, they're in phenomenal condition.  So why the pain in my lower right lung?  My PA, my gastro guy and the lung doc all shrugged their shoulders; maybe it's the gluten?

So here I'm back at the celiac bonfire.  Some ammunition has been thrown into the flames.  My body has spent the last three days cooking off the cartridges.  The bullet has flown.  My lower right rib cage hurts each time I take a breath.  Third time is a charm.  I know for sure where the pain is coming from and I'm left with the voice in my head saying,

"Aww, bitch!  I'm hit!  I'm HIT!"

Not a Lotsky is Gluten Free at Schlotzsky's

Sleep a few more minutes or make a lunch?  I chose sleep.

It was a really, really bad choice because I was going to be out of the house all day for a water polo tournament.  We were riding with another family, so I would have no way to go in search of gluten free options in the small town where we were spending the day. 

WHAT was I thinking? 

Lunch time came and we loaded up to go to Subway.  I get really gluten freaky in Subway.  I hear they're working on gluten free options.  I just can't imagine a way to make that place safe from cross contamination.  The line was so long at Subway that we decided to go to Scholtzsky's instead.

Have you ever been to Schlotzsky's?  They have the most wonderful bread and their sandwiches are almost like a mufaletta.  Their bread is definitely glutenous but I was hoping their salads might be an option.

I started with my standard litmus question, "Do you have a gluten free menu?"  I can almost always tell by the server's reaction what type of luck I am going to have.  The blank stare that I got told me this was going to be a challenge.  The kid went digging under the counter and brought up their nutritional information; informative but it had no allergen info.  I asked if I could speak with the manager. 

An even younger looking kid (he was the manager) came over and stared at me with an even blanker face when I asked he knew if there were any gluten free foods to be had. 

Gluuuuu-ten?  Wheeee-at?  I spoke directly into his ear spacers hoping it would help him hear, and possibly understand me better.  I smiled too.  Your salads?  Are they made in a separate area from the sandwiches?  I didn't even get an oral response.  He just kept staring and shaking his head slowly. 

I gave up.  I bought my daughter's sandwich and sat down.  But then I started shaking; I realized my blood sugar was dropping.  I decided to go back to the counter.

"I see from the pictures on the menu that your salads have avocado?  Yes?  Do you have any whole avocados?  Yes?"  (I got excited thinking I was getting somewhere.)  "May I buy a whole, unsliced avocado?"

You could have heard an ear spacer drop.  He couldn't even manage to shake his head no.  He said he had no way to know what to charge me.  I told him to charge me anything he wanted; ring it up as a whole salad.  I was getting what we call crazy hungry around my house which can quickly turn to hangry-a bad combination of hungry and angry.  I was still smiling but it was turning into a Gary Busey grin.

And then it happened, the sides of the box that constrained his cognitive abilities bulged a little.  "I will get you a whole avocado.  I'll give it to you for free.  I will go get it for you myself.  I haven't been around the bread." 

He brought out the biggest, most perfectly ripe avocado I have ever seen.  I almost leaped over the counter to hug him.  He even came out from behind the counter to show me where the plastic knives were kept.  I told him thank you more than once but decided hugging his neck was too much. 

That avocado mixed with hot sauce and pepper was the best meal I have ever had at Schlotzskys! Thank you again young manager kid. 

P.S.  I read that Schlotzsky's is working on a gluten free bread.  I'm just not sure how anything could be better than that avocado was that day.

When the Red, Red Robin Comes Gluten Free Bobbin' Along

My daughter and I stopped at Red Robin today for our yearly post-doctor lunch.  We live in Houston and went to the Westchase location at Richmond and the Tollway.

The waitress brought me their allergen list and told me the manager would be over talk to me about my choices and to take my order.  The manager did so promptly and this is what he explained to me: 

They have gluten free buns that are individually wrapped in their own tray.  The buns stay in the tray for toasting and the sandwich is built in the same tray. He assured me they would switch gloves for assembling.

Their fries are gluten free and this location has a dedicated fryer.  The oil is filtered separately and never rotated through other fryers.

Eating out is always risky, but what more reassurance can you ask for?

I ordered a Guacamole Burger and Fries.  This is what the manager brought me:

 

He apologized for bringing my hamburger before my daughter's.  The reason it came early?  Because the manager walked the order through the kitchen and oversaw it's preparation personally, during a busy lunch hour no less!

I still squeal when I look at it. 

It was good; not the kind of good where you have to convince yourself it tastes good because it is your only option.  It was REALLY good; the kind of good that you could feed it to your gluten-free critics and they would never know the difference.

So, to the Westchase Red Robin in Houston: THANK YOU!  You let this gluten freeky girl eat at ease!

When the red, red robin comes bob, bob, bobbin' along
There'll be no more gluten when he starts a servin' his old sweet bun
Eat up, Eat up you gluten head
Get up, get up and go get fed,
Cheer up, it's gfree bread 
Live, love, laugh and be happy!
 

There's Gluten in WHAT?!?!

I went to dinner the other night at Ninfa's.  I placed my safest gluten free mexican bet on guacamole with lettuce and salsa.

By time I got home, I realized my scalp was slowly starting to itch more than it had earlier in the day.  Next thing I knew, my back was covered in pin prickling pain.  I started running around the room like Baloo trying to find a jungle tree. 

My husband kept asking, "Do you think you got glutened at dinner?" in between trying to scratch my back as I ran around the room crazy.  "No!  No, I don't think so.  I mean, I hope not!  They told me they used fresh avocados.  I guess it's possible." 

I reached up to scratch my head and realized I had little itchy bumps that were starting to bleed on my scalp...and then a horrible realization of how I could have gotten glutened came to me.

After frantically digging through the trash and reading a miniscule ingredient list, there it was. "Wheat Amino Acids". 

Are you ready to hear what glutened me? 





MY REVLON HAIR COLOR!

I had colored my hair that afternoon with the same $4 box of color I have always used... but this time my skin went into a Celiac spiral.

Many doctors will tell you that you can't get 'glutened' through your skin.  I beg to differ. 

When I was first diagnosed, I had been living with a perpetual rash on my chest and backne (you know, acne on your back) that showering made worse.  Most of my health issues started improving immediately when I began eating gluten free.  But the small red bumps on my chest and back persisted. 

I asked my doc about gluten and skin products.  He told me my best resource for getting an answer would be a support group. 

Reading through several CD posts, I kept seeing people going gfree with their soap, makeup, and basically everything their body came in contact with. 

It was a silly, 'doh' moment when I stood in the shower straining to read the tiny, shiny ingredient list on my shampoo to get to the 'wheat' ingredient only to turn it over and see this:

Guess what?  As soon as I switched to gluten free shampoo and soap, my rash and backne cleared up.  Poof!  Like that.

So, at least for me, gluten on the skin definitely causes a reaction.

Why the new reaction to hair color?

This is the hair product I have always used.  I have never had a problem with it before.  I have noticed that the 'cleaner' I get, the more sever my reaction to getting accidently glutened.  I say accidently because I can't ever see myself purposefully ingesting gluten...again. (I still can't write the post about that fish filet sandwich.)  Also, I spent so many years struggling with a general and all over malaise that I couldn't pin point my discomfort.  I just ached.  I just itched.  I just felt tired.  Pretty much all the things I felt again after using the hair color. 

Why didn't I read the box before I used it?  No excuse here: I'm obviously still in denial about the insidious permeation of gluten into almost every aspect of main stream commercial America. 

I'm going to have to question and examine everything that goes into or onto my body.  But really, shouldn't we all?

I'm Coconuts Over You

Not too long ago I came across a recipe for a coconut pie crust filled with ganache.  The recipe only had four ingredients and was naturally gluten free!  I made it the very next day and my whole family went crazy for it. 

I wanted to make it again for a gathering but I have seen my gluten free foods get cross contaminated at parties (even when I set them apart or put a sticker on them). 

 

I just couldn't bear the thought of being separated from this pie, so I decided to make the recipe into bite sized treats.  No gluteny knives or forks would be necessary to serve! 

Whether it's full or bite sized, I think you will fall in love with this recipe!

Ingredients

• 4 tablespoons unsalted butter, softened
• 11 ounces (about 6 cups) sweetened shredded coconut
• 1 cup heavy cream
• 8 ounces bittersweet chocolate (preferably 61% cacao), finely chopped

Preheat the oven to 350°F.

Put 4 tablespoons of  butter in a food processor. 

Mix it with one-third of the coconut until mixture forms a ball.  This takes 1 to 2 minutes.

Transfer to a medium bowl. Add the remaining two-thirds coconut to the mixture and mix with your fingers.  Spray a mini-muffin pan with no-stick spray.

Using a spoon or a cookie scoop, place a ball of dough in each space.

I have a pastry press that I used to make the shells.  If you do not have one of these tools, simply shape the mini shells with your fingers. 

Be sure to leave the coconut at the top slightly loose.

After making the shells, I noticed what was on my bowl.  Is it wrong to make gluten free goodies in a bowl decorated with wheat shafts?  I'll struggle with my conscience later.

Place the shells in the oven and bake until they begin to brown (10 to 15 minutes). Cover with foil if the edges start to brown.  Cook another 4 to 5 minutes more. Transfer crust to a wire rack to cool completely.

Be sure to place a cookie sheet under the shells.  The crust is very buttery and may drip over the sides.

To make the the filling, chop 8 oz of chocolate very fine.  My preference is 60% cacao. 

You may notice that my pictures shows a full pound of chocolate.  I doubled the ingredients for the filling so we would have some left over.  Yes, I did!  (We spread it on gluten free french toast the next day like a ganachy chocolate jam.)

Put the cream in a heavy sauce pan and bring just to a boil.  

Pour over chocolate in a medium heatproof bowl.

Let sit 10 minutes, then stir until chocolate is completely melted and mixture is combined.

I put the chocolate in a plastic baggie.  Snip off the end and used it to fill the pie shells.

When pouring from a baggie, just tilt the end of the bag down to fill and then lift up when you're reaching the top of the pie shell.

 

Refrigerate until filling is set.  The original recipe says for 1 hour or 1 day. 

 

If you can wait past an hour, more power to you.  I am so coconuts over this dessert I can barely make it that long. 

 

Enjoy!

We Have a Gluten Free List...Buffalo Wild Wings

My kid's relay team just set their second National Record!  We're doing all the things an accomplishment like that warrants: hugging and parading and picture taking and...

...a big celebration dinner with the team.

Out.

At a restaurant.

At a restaurant that is appealing to 14 year old boys: Buffalo Wild Wings.

I ate there not too long ago. I was told they had a gluten free list. But I couldn't bend my fingers comfortably for three days after that meal.  I'm feeling sick long before I ever take the first bite of faith. It's the 'fuss' that starts the queasy feeling; you know, the fuss of trying to explain how careful I need them to be with my food.

Luckily, I have some advance notice and could call ahead to Buffalo Wild Wings. It went like this:

Me: Hi, I'm coming to your restaurant tonight with a large group. I have a terrible, horrible allergy (I know Celiacs is NOT an allergy, but it seems to be the only word that gets a me a gleam of understanding). May I speak with your manager about gluten free options?

Boy on the Phone: Yes! We have a gluten free list. You can look at that.

Me: Do you have a dedicated fryer?

Boy on the Phone: Uh...let me get the manager.

The manager was so lovely.  He gave me a firm and confident statement, "We DO have a gluten free list."

Great! Do you also have a dedicated fryer?

Silence. 

"I don't know.  When you come in, ask for the evening manager.  But you probably shouldn't eat anything here."

It's nice to have a list but the list alone doesn't do anything for me.  Should I go buy some trusted Pei Wei and bring it to the party? Should I stock up on snickers and M&Ms from concessions?  I have an apple in the car. 

What would you do? 

Rainbow-on-a-Stick

Who doesn't love food on a stick?

Sticks give food the flavor of festivals and fairs. It's portable nourishment. You don't have to miss any of the excitement while you eat!

The Houston Livestock Show and Rodeo is happening right now. Man, I love the rodeo; not the agricultural aspect, but the plethora of food-on-a-stick it brings to town. Why, there's even an award given at the rodeo for this type of food. It's called, 'Best Food-on-a-Stick'. There you can find corn dogs on a stick, pizza on a stick, popcorn on a stick, fried cookie dough on a stick and chocolate covered cheesecake, you guessed it, on a freakin' stick! They have chicken fried bacon too!?! It's not on a stick, but it deserves a mention.

My heart sank a little when I thought of the rodeo this year. You see, most of these walking treats are seasoned with or dipped and deep fried in gluten. Death-on-a-stick anyone?

Celiac Disease has turned the rodeo into one of those scary carnival movies for me; clowns reaching for me with glutenous hands, pushing me backwards until I fall into a pit filled with wheat flour. I see their painted smiles as a white cloud of gluten envelops me. Fade to black.

But I don't like staying on the dark side for long. I like my clouds with silver linings (not flour). I like rainbows with, or without, a pot of gold at the end. I'll take my rainbows-on-a-stick!

Can you help me think of gluten free foods to put on a stick?